Surrender Dorothy

I read a quote from Eckhart Tolle yesterday that has stuck with me the past 24 hours:  Sometimes surrender means giving up trying to understand and becoming comfortable with not knowing.forgiveness

The reason it’s sticking is that for almost 10 years now, I’ve been trying to understand why someone who had been very close to me decided to cut me out of her life altogether. I made a mistake. I tried to make amends, but to no avail. There was no forgiveness from her, so for me there was only deep and painful loss, grief and eventual acceptance.

Many people were hurt by this ugly set of circumstances. My late mother was one of them. Because the situation is still clearly beyond my control, I don’t think about it often, except during the holiday season when I think about it all the time, especially when I’m trying to go to sleep at night, taking a shower in the morning or driving alone in my car listening to Christmas music. At those moments, instead of rejoicing in gratitude for my good life, I Ice Creamfeel angry, sad and uncomfortable. I admit to letting these emotions reduce me to sobbing uncontrollably – not a good condition for driving or sleeping, although it’s okay in the shower because I can wash my face.

The holidays are over now. I know I need to let the whole thing go…again. But my left brain wants to analyze and try to understand what happened way back then, probably hoping I will come up with a fabulous new solution to heal the wounds and let us all come together. It hasn’t happened at graduations, funerals or family weddings, so the odds are not in favor of resolution. Duh.

It’s time to capitulate and just be comfy not knowing or trying to reason why. And it’s time to snuggle up on the couch with my dogs and eat ice cream.

I surrender!


Shannon Ingram
Shannon is a co-founder of An expert in the field of marketing to Boomers, seniors and family caregivers, she is the author of "The Heart Way - A Journey from Corporate to Care" about her experience of caring for her elderly parents. She is Vice President of Industry Marketing for and an active supporter of UCI MIND, the University of California Irvine's Institute for Memory Impairment and Neurological Disorders. She considers her most important title to be "Granny Shanny" and enjoys spending as much time as possible with her two grandchildren.

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  1. Powerful quote! Thank you for sharing Shannon. I hear you…painful when someone leaves your life, but the Universe knows what it’s doing and people leave or the Universe pulls them away for a reason. It just might be one of the biggest blessings you were ever given.

    Peace and Love,

  2. Thank you for that great reminder, Jenny. I have to say, it is probably a blessing, as you say!

  3. Robin Wethe Altman says:

    Hi Shannon… First of all.. I want to feel hurt right along with you. Anyone who would cut a person off WITHOUT an explanation or even an attempt to reason is just plain “wrong” in my book…. wrong and chicken and probably very evil because to hurt another in that way means that they are trying to make YOU suffer for some probably very real sins of their own. Ok.. that’s my honest first response… Then comes this: I wouldn’t even WANT a person like this in my life anyway… so maybe you have been blessed. Third…. no… that’s it. Be free be happy and let em go!

    • I have only personally known a couple of truly evil people this lifetime, Robin. I’m guessing they are very hurt, angry, insecure people. But there’s another dynamic in my experience with them, and that’s the “mirror effect.” I don’t want to mirror their negative emotions and suffer those consequences. So I let them go and chose to exit their orbit. The sad thing is that because of these individuals, other people I really love had to make choices too and I suffered some serious loss in that process. It still hurts, but then I focus on being free, loved and happy and “POOF” (as our friend Sandy Moore would say)! I feel much better!!! Life is good. Thanks so much for your post!

  4. So funny that I just met you last night and this was my last post on my blog…

  5. There’s is nothing as painful as someone cutting you out of their life . . . until you just face the reality of what is and stop saying “but it SHOULD be like this.” Byron Katie does some great teaching with this approach. Wonderful message!

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