GPS and Dating

Garmin_Nuvi_255wWe all love our GPS devices. They get us from one place to another on a daily basis. No more wrong turns. No more going in circles. We now have a tool that clearly lays out the best route for us.

So, you ask me, What on earth does my GPS device have to do with the dating process?

And I tell you, Both require well-defined “starting points.”

Let’s say you’re going to drive from San Francisco to New York. First you need to know and acknowledge you’re starting in San Francisco, and enter that starting point into your GPS. You can imagine what would happen if:

A.  You were in San Francisco but didn’t know you were there (or didn’t want to acknowledge you were there, because you thought there was something wrong with being in San Francisco), so…

B.  Instead you entered Florida as the starting place (because Florida sounded like a nicer place to be located and people might think you are a better person if you live in Florida).

The result? Instead of driving toward the bright lights and big city you had in mind, you would quickly end up in the Atlantic Ocean.USATopographicalMap

In the GPS of the dating world, your “starting point” is to confirm where you are today. Without this information, it’s difficult to figure out how to get to your destination, namely the relationship you desire.

My clients and I talk about this a lot. In fact, we define the GPS of dating as: Goal Setting + Purposeful Dating = Satisfying Relationships.

I discovered the dating GPS through first-hand experience. Just like getting on the wrong road when driving, I’ve certainly gone out with the “wrong” type of person because I hadn’t clarified what I wanted and needed (my starting point) before starting the journey.

As a divorced woman in my 30’s, I was clear about what I didn’t want in a relationship but clueless about what I did want. So, initially I went out with many men who had the same “wrong” traits that my ex-husband had. These were the traits I was used to (and eventually figured out were all I thought I could have). I finally began to put together a vision of the type of person with the right traits for me. Use of this process led to more successful dating, and eventually meeting my husband.

I use this process with my coaching clients. I like giving them the opportunity to determine today where their “starting point” is. I sure wish I’d known it sooner.

Listed below are three categories which describe where most people are in their dating experience. Which one is your actual starting place – your “San Francisco”? If you can figure this out, you’re less likely to get frustrated and lost on the dating journey.

 (1) Are you ready to date?  The answer is YES if:

  •     You know what you want and need.
  •     You know what you have to offer.
  •     You know what your initial goals are for dating.
  •     You know what your ultimate goal is for dating.
  •     You feel excited and ready to meet new people and want help creating a winning profile so the “right” people will recognize themselves when they read it.

In this case, you and I would work together to create a profile that tells the “right” person who you are and who you’re looking for. Then – when you start receiving all those amazing responses – we would go through them together to ensure you meet only those who are great matches. If clients aren’t interested in using online dating, going through these steps will still ensure they meet and date the right type of person no matter how they meet them.

(2) Are you getting ready to date?  The answer is YES if:

  •      Actually going out on a date feels like a lot of trouble.
  •      You aren’t sure you have enough time to screen potential dates.
  •      You aren’t sure where you’ll find time to fit dating into your very full schedule.

In this situation, you and I would work together to examine what worked and didn’t work in past relationships. This ensures that future dates will be with the “right” people… people with whom you thoroughly enjoy spending time.

(3) Are you getting ready to get ready? The answer is YES if:

  •      You continue to attract the same type of person over and over and you’re thinking “why bother, because I’ll never meet anyone different or better.”
  •      Your relationships have all been with people who were mean, possessive, unavailable, etc.
  •      You’re new to dating and don’t even know where to begin.

I’ve found, for myself and for my coaching clients, that figuring out how you think and feel about dating starts you on the right road to the relationship of your dreams. I enjoy helping people work through the blocks cluttering their mind, those blocks that keep the love of their life away. In partnership with a coach, people are able to create ways to release the blocks. This gets them “ready to be ready” to date people who are loving, kind and available.

So are you “ready to get ready”? What category best describes you?  Let me know in the comments!

Christine Baumgartner
Christine is a renowned relationship coach who has worked with Dr. John Gray at AskMarsVenus.com and who brings to her practice more than 25 years as a dating counselor and wedding planner. Her work guiding brides and couples through one of the most emotional and stressful situations of their lives inspired her to focus on what happens before marriage.
Christine Baumgartner

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